4 Crazy Ancient Nigerian Marital Traditions

In Nigeria, there are many strange marriage traditions that were practiced long ago. Some of them are still being practiced today. Here is a list of 4 crazy traditions which you'll find intriguing. 
P.S, I couldn't find one more strange tradition, so I made it 4. 

Wife Marrying a Wife for Her Husband
Amongst the Igbo people of Nigeria, it was acceptable for a married woman without children to marry a woman who would sleep with her husband and give birth. The child conceived from this 3rd party wedlock would belong to the actual (initial) wife of the man.

Blood Shown as Proof of Virginity
Also practiced by ancient igbo people. In those days, girls kept their virginity for their future husbands. A girl who lost her virginity before marriage would be deemed an outcast and lose her face in the community (even if she was raped). If a virgin eventually got married, she would sleep with her husband while the family members stood outside the hut awaiting the husband to emerge with a blood-stained cloth in his hand. That was proof to the spectators that the girl was a virgin.

Water Used to Bathe Corpse drunk by the Widow
So far the most disgusting tradition ever. And we're still talking about the ancient igbo people.
When the husband of a woman dies before old age, the people of the village usually consider the widow to be the witch that killed her husband. She puts on black cloth and shaves her head completely. After this, the corpse of the husband is bathed and the water used to wash it is stored. The widow then has to drink this water in order to prove her innocence.

(Sharo) Whooping the Suitor's Ass (literally)
Practiced by the Fulani tribe, this tradition is still being observed today. A man who's interested in marrying a girl has to undergo serious public whipping before being allowed to marry her. If he is able to suppress all signs of pain, he would be allowed to get married. Many have died in this ceremony and survivors are deemed courageous.
So, before a guy thinks of marrying a girl, he has to consider if she's worth being flogged for.

The Importance of Humor in Writing

The Importance of Humor in Writing

In my initial days of writing, I always wrote seriously and without smiling. I had a few viewers who seemed like they arrived on my blog accidentally. One day, I made an error in a post that turned out to be incredibly hilarious. I noticed that the number of views that the post had was prodigious. Since then, I have been making more ‘errors’ that all turn out comical.

Everyone has read something that was so boring, watching a snail move across the room seemed more interesting.  

There are billions of publications globally; millions more are published each week. However not all of them are interesting.

A good publication is one that captures readers' minds and does not let go until the end is reached. An interesting article is what readers want. One effective way to capture the interest of readers is by the use of humor.

For centuries, humor has been a reliable tool for authors to use in beautifying heir works. By working on the posit that humor makes readers lighthearted, writers make their work more enjoyable for reading.

Furthermore, there have been speculations that humor also enables a reader to understand better what they are reading. When the mouth is open for laughter, you may be able to shove in a little food for thought (Virginia Tooper). This theory gives even greater precedence to humor. 

Humor makes an article more memorable. Centuries old quotes are still being used today due to this fact. 

"The worst thing about religion was religious people" (The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides). This is an example of a humorous written quote that has become memorable.

Unfortunately, for some writers, humor is not their forte. However, humor can be learned and applied. I suggest reading and studying the styles of publications that have humor as a prodigious feature. As with all other talents, humor can be learned. 

Humor is an essential feature of a publication (unless it is a funeral speech) and if correctly used, will not only be a tool for enlightenment, but also a part of the message being conveyed. 

Top 5 Scariest Nigerian Spirit Creatures

Due to the unpopularity of this topic over the internet, no images were found and therefore no images are shown.

#5 Madame Kois Kois
The name of this spirit is gotten from the noise she makes with her shoes (kois kois). She is usually depicted as an invisible woman who walks to a lone individual and knocks them on the head. The knock causes severe swelling and most times, death. Numerous cases involving this spirit have been heard especially in boarding schools.


#4 Mami Water (Mermaid)
Contrary to the foreign stories about mermaids being good and helpful, the mermaids or 'Mami Water' in Nigeria are killers. These Mami Waters are known to have the ability to get out of the sea and walk (they possess legs) amongst men. When they get a man who is attracted to them (as they are extraordinarily beautiful), they lead them into the sea. No one knows if the mermaids eat them or not, but one thing is sure - the men never come back alive. A detailed description can be found here.

#3 Ogbanje or Abiku
The Ogbanje believed to be an evil spirit that would deliberately plague a family with misfortune. Its literal translation in the Igbo language is "children who come and go". It was believed that within a certain amount of time from birth (usually not past puberty), the Ogbanje would deliberately die and then come back and repeat the cycle causing the family grief. Female circumcision was sometimes thought to get rid of the evil spirit, whereas finding the evil spirits Iyi-uwa, which they had dug somewhere secret, would ensure the Ogbanje would never plague the family with misfortune again. The Iyi-uwa was the Obanje's way of coming back to the world and also a way of finding its targeted family. The dead child would be cut or mutilated so he or she would not return. Some ogbanje, however, were said to return, bearing the physical scars of the mutilation.



#2 Bush Baby or Egbere or Gwai-Gwai
This does not refer to the known animal. In Nigeria, a bush baby is a physical-spiritual creature that stays in forests and areas with thick bushes. Although due to Nigeria's modern industrialization, cases of encounters with bush babies have diminished greatly. In the years when my mum was in secondary school (1970s), many sightings of this creature were made.
According to every Nigerian culture in which this creature exists, the Bush Baby is short and ugly. It usually carries a lantern and a mat. It is said that anyone who is able to steal a Bush Baby's mat will become rich. But, the person has to withstand 7 days of tribulation caused by the creature who wants its property back.
During those days, the person will not be able to sleep because of the creature's incessant disturbance. If the person gives up within the 7 days, the Bush Baby will kill them. It is also said that Bush Babies cannot be physically defeated unless the fighter is completely naked. Bush Babies are known for crying like babies at night in order to attract an unsuspecting passerby who would think a real baby was crying (Thus the name 'Bush Baby').

#1 Kato
A large and hairy humanoid that can pass through walls, this physical-spiritual being is notorious for raping ladies. Most of the cases involving it also take place in schools. The spirit is said to hide in the wall close to unsuspecting girls and when they lay down or fall asleep, it comes out, presses them down to a point when they cannot move and then it rapes them.


 

DANCING: A PERFECT WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT AND STAY HEALTHY

Does anyone else hate jogging as much as I do? Do you seek some other cardiovascular exercise that’s less tiring but still able to burn those calories? Well your answer is here- DANCING!

Did you just say shut up? It’s true, dancing is a fat burning exercise which everyone can do seriously and yet have fun at the same time. Just as there’s early morning jogging, you can start doing early morning dancing. It may it sound a bit weird waking up at 6 in the morning, turning up the music and dancing to the beat, but it's a great way to lose those extra pounds you've always wanted to get rid of.

 There’s something I like to call the ‘sweat dance’. This involves dancing to fast and slow music (for fat burning purpose and flexibility enhancing purpose respectively) to the point of looking into a mirror and attaining a feeling of accomplishment from seeing how much you’ve sweat. I do this dance mainly for 4 reasons:

1.     I’m too lazy to jog

2.     To burn fat

3.     To stretch my body parts for better flexibility

4.     To get new dance moves for when next I hit the club ;)

As I aforementioned, sweat dance involves the use of fast music and slow music. The fast music is meant for dancing with quick movements to the rhythm of the song (the actual sweating is done under this). While slow music is mean for slow movements of body parts in order to release yourself and stretch your muscles and bones.

All you need to do is go to your room, lock the door, play some music, and literally dance till you’re wet (in a positive way). Do this twice a day and you’ll begin to notice improvements in your body and in your party life!

Summarily, the overall benefits of dancing are:

1. It gives strength to the lung and the heart.
2. It strengthens the body muscles.
3. It minimizes the chances of the disease osteoporoses as it makes the bones stronger.
4. It increases the flexibility, agility and the coordination in the body.
5. It increases the awareness of spatial.
6. It enhances physical confidence.
7. It enhances the functionality of mind and the nervous system.
8. It enhances the expenditure of energy and its flow in the body.
9. It can help you loose weight.
10. It enhances the overall well being.
11. It increases the levels of self-esteem and confidence.
12. It improves your social outlook.                                                 
                                                               Source: http://www.healthguidance.org
 Another fascinating benefit derived from dancing is, wait for it... IT MAKES YOU SMARTER!
This is no lie. In the Article titled 'Use it or Lose it: Dancing Makes you Smarter', Richard Powers elucidated the fact that Dancing also increases cognitive acuity at all ages. 

The 21-year study of senior citizens, 75 and older, was led by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City, funded by the National Institute on Aging, and published in the New England Journal of Medicine.  Their method for objectively measuring mental acuity in aging was to monitor rates of dementia, including Alzheimer's disease.

The study wanted to see if any physical or cognitive recreational activities influenced mental acuity.  They discovered that some activities had a significant beneficial effect.  Other activities had none.

They studied cognitive activities such as reading books, writing for pleasure, doing crossword puzzles, playing cards and playing musical instruments.  And they studied physical activities like playing tennis or golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing, walking for exercise and doing housework.

One of the surprises of the study was that almost none of the physical activities appeared to offer any protection against dementia.  There can be cardiovascular benefits of course, but the focus of this study was the mind.  There was one important exception:  the only physical activity to offer protection against dementia was frequent dancing.

            Reading - 35% reduced risk of dementia
            Bicycling and swimming - 0%             
            Doing crossword puzzles at least four days a week - 47%
            Playing golf - 0%
           Dancing frequently - 76%.
That was the greatest risk reduction of any activity studied, cognitive or physical.


So as you have read, dancing is a very significant form of exercise which gives multifarious benefits to both the body and the mind. I always say "A dance step a day keeps the doctor awake".



References:
http://socialdance.stanford.edu/syllabi/smarter.htm

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/10409/1/Health-Benefits-of-Dance.html 

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Writing/Making a Joke

Not everybody is able to formulate jokes. Before you’re able to do this, you have to be funny. The funniness of a joke depends solely on the teller and how it is told. But it’s not only being funny that qualifies you to write a joke; you also have to be quite imaginative. Imagination is the key and base of all jokes (both funny and unfunny). So if you’re not funny and not imaginative, I’m afraid this post isn’t meant for you. I pointed out how to know if you’re funny in one of my previous posts titled “How to Become a Comic Maven”.

Here are 7 tips to help you in the art of joke making:

1.     Take real events that happened and inject some humour in them. This form of comedy is called Anecdote.

2.     Exaggerate your stories. Making use of hyperbole when narrating a real event (in an attempt to make it funny) will definitely make it a funny joke.

3.     Use your imagination (Crucial). Imagine silly things happening and you may have a really good joke coming out of them.

4.     Make fun of yourself. Notice that comedians that have physical flaws usually use that flaw to create jokes. A fat comedian could use his fatness to create a pretty good story that’ll serve as a joke etc.

5.     Look for old popular sayings and make them into something funny. For instance: “Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are” hilariously transformed into: “Show me your face and I will tell you how ugly you are”.

6.     Don’t use direct words or phrases to make the punch line. If you saw the 2011 Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump, a perfect example what you should do is Whitney Cummings’ joke about Larry King: “ I don’t even know where to start, I guess I’ll start with Larry King because I don’t know, tick tock” It’s obvious she meant Larry King could die at any moment because he’s so old. If she had said something like “….because he may die at any second”, it would have been less funny.

7.     Avoid making the joke long. Some people take a supposed-to-be short joke into a long story, which will eventually make the audience bored. Even though the punch line may be great, the journey to it will be long and tiring. It’ll even give the audience an opportunity to go to the restroom.

Here is a link to more and advanced tips on how to create a joke and an explanation of the anatomy of a joke written by comedienne and comedy writer Jan McInnis: Anatomy of a Joke

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HOW NOT TO BE A CONVERSATION KILLER

Are you an unfunny loser who literally bores innocent humans to their untimely death? Do people fake phone calls or shoot themselves just to get away from having to speak with you? Then this is your lucky day! This blog is meant to give you the best tips and pointers to make conversations interesting and turn you from a conversation killer into a conversation sparker.

Killing conversations is quite easy for most people; making conversations interesting on the other hand is difficult still for most people. I’m a part of that remaining percentage of people who have the natural ability to keep a conversation going and interesting. How do you make a conversation interesting you ask? Well, here are some tips on how to reduce mortality rate among members of your clique:

·        Don’t take everything seriously: You’re talking with your pal, not the governor. Keep yourselves laughing and stop taking stuff seriously. I hate talking to someone who frowns all the time.

·        Always smile: Nobody would want to have a conversation with someone who looks like Osama wearing a face mask made of poop. Keep yourself jolly all the time and people will want to keep talking to you.

·        Make jokes and funny remarks: A conversation would be totally lack luster if the was nothing to laugh about. Making funny remarks every now and then will not only make a conversation interesting, but will also attract people to you.

·        Contribute substantially: A conversation involves dialogue between two or more people; some people defy that definition and let the other person keep talking and bringing up topics. This isn’t right; it should even be a serious criminal offence at par with murder. Say something to show that you’re alive, if not the victim will get bored and end the conversation.

·        Bring up interesting topics: This is a reason to read the papers and search for cool stories and events on the internet. By knowing, you can tell; by telling, you’ll be making quite an interesting conversation. They say knowledge is power, but I say KNOWLEDGE IS CONVERSATION.

·        Be silly: When in a conversation, to support tip number 3, you can make funny faces or even act dumb. This will result in a short period of laughter by both parties; and laughter indicates a great conversation.

·        Gossip a little: Gossip is one of the juiciest conversation sparkers known to man. You say only women gossip? Well you’re wrong. Talk about someone when you notice the conversation going down.

Follow these easy tips and you will notice great changes in your conversation life. You won’t have to threaten people to make them talk to you anymore.

I’m sure you enjoyed this post and I assure you that you’ll get more from The Funny Maniac..

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HOW TO BECOME A COMIC MAVEN

 One thing you all should have in mind is that the ability to make people laugh is a talent just like singing and dancing. And just like singing and dancing, being funny can be propagated and perfected. Some people are funny in story writing, some are funny in speech, others in action, and you can find someone who’s funny in all three (like me). One should know how to identify and use this ability to get what he/she wants because, just like a woman’s beauty is her weapon, an individual’s sense of humour is his/her bazooka.

The three stages of being a comic maven are:

1.       Knowing if you have the talent

2.     Identifying what form of Beingfunnititis you have

3.     Identifying what form of comedy you’re good at

4.     Perfecting that form of comedy

Ø ACKNOWLEDGING THE TALENT

Being funny is also like a disease, a non-communicable disease that is sometimes hereditary (let’s call it Beingfunnititis). If you have been infected with this disease:

·        You are able to make someone laugh without even trying

·        You are able to identify boring people quickly

·        People expect you to say something funny always

Once all these 3 symptoms are observed, you now know that you have the talent.

Ø IDENTIFYING WHAT FORM OF BEINGFUNNITITIS YOU HAVE

Now, this disease can be temporary or permanent. According to my experience with people, there are 4 forms of this disease:

1.       Permanent Beingfunnititis

2.     Temporary Beingfunnititis

3.     Pseudo Beingfunnititis and

4.     Off-and-On Beingfunnititis

1.       Permanent Beingfunnititis: Under this form, the ability to be funny is permanent and is modified on a static ground. The virus begins to infect further and makes the patient funnier.

2.     Temporary Beingfunnititis: As the name implies, the patient becomes funny for a period of time, and then becomes boring permanently; or, the patient is boring then becomes funny.

3.     Pseudo Beingfunnititis: A patient under this condition seems funny to some people but can be identified as boring by people with the same disease.

4.     Off-and-On Beingfunnititis: This is an occurrence of the temporary Beingfunnititis over and over again. The person may be funny this week, next week he may become boring, the week after he’s funny and so the circle continues.

Ø IDENTIFYING WHAT FORM OF COMEDY YOU’RE GOOD AT

This is a crucial part of the journey to perfection- what to perfect. Without knowing exactly what you’re good at, you’re taking yourself back to the first stage of the transition. There are multifarious forms of comedy involving various methods of giving out humour. Your job is just to identify which one gets you the most laughs and then move on to the final stage. Here are some of the common forms of comedy:

1.       Anecdote:

2.     Burlesque

3.     Stand-up

4.     Blue

5.     Morbid

6.     Ironic

7.     Epigrammatic

8.     Juvenile/Sophomore

9.     Hyperbolic

10.   Satirical

11.     Slapstick

12.  Dry

You could also try out some of the forms in order to get the one you’re best at. Once you’ve selected and eventually go on to perfect it, you’ll see that you’ll be able to pick up other forms and perfect them. You all know the chat acronym LMAO (Laughing My Ass Out, in case some of you dimwits have no idea what it means). Well, someone who’s perfected their form of comedy can be able to literally make someone laugh their ass out. It has happened, TRUE STORY. Now we move on to the next and final stage of the transition to becoming a comic maven.

Ø PERFECTING THAT FORM  OF COMEDY

This stage involves steps that would take a while to carry out. Known to me, there are three modes of reaching out to an audience:

·        By speech (stand-up comedians e.g. Jeff Ross, Jeff Dunham and Chris Rock). Comedy by speech is divided into visual (on stage, in front of an audience) and audio (recorded speech) comic acts.

·        By writing

·        By action (Performing Artists e.g. Arnold Artkinson)

A shy person (I thought this was just a myth, but believe me, I’ve seen shy comedy material people) could go for comedy by writing or comedy by speech (audio) if they’re too afraid to go on stage;

One thing to make sure of is to know that a lot of people think you’re funny, that way, you’ll be sure that you’ve gained the laughs of different types of personalities.

Talent shows are the best places to extend your coverage and popularity. Make sure you try your best to get into a lot of talent shows. The only thing that should be in your mind when doing this is getting more people to know you and not winning. The more people know you, the more popular you’ll get; and that’s exactly what we’re looking for. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to win!

I almost forgot this important part of the journey- MAKE SURE YOU WRITE DOWN EVERY JOKE YOU MAKE UP IMMEDIATELY YOU THINK OF THEM. It’s best you have a mobile phone with a memo/notepad. AND ALWAYS PASSWORD YOUR JOKES TO PREVENT JOKE THIEVES FROM GAINING ACCESS TO THEM. Yes you read it well, there are joke thieves existing in our world. They’ve been in existence since the 7^th century. Joke thieves are people infected with the other forms of Beingfunnititis except permanent Beingfunnititis (i.e. Temporary, Pseudo and Off-and-On Beingfunnititis). These people will stop at nothing to steal your jokes in an attempt to make their Beingfunnititis permanent or last longer.

Lastly, I want to give this last advice: Never feel bad when you get silence for a joke you just told. Instead, let it be an encouragement to you.

Thanks for reading my blog and still expect more from me.

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